Psst - hey buddy. Yeah, you. It's not safe to talk here; there are ears everywhere. Meet me in the back alley by the loading dock in five minutes.
Hey, thanks for coming. Listen, if my boss comes by I don't know you and you don't know me. You're just some guy I caught trying to steal IPv4 addresses out of the back room. Nothing personal - just business.
So, look, I'm in a real jam. 2012 is almost over and if I don't hit my numbers for Q4 it's lights-out for ol' Brett here. Finito. I'm out on the streets faster than you can say "male prostitute".
Whatever you can do to help me out - I swear I'll kick back some good vibes your way. I got a wife and kids for cryin' out loud!
Can you imagine what that conversation would look like? "Sorry kids, we're sellin' the house and choking down yogurt every night for dinner because Daddy couldn't sell a couple thousand lousy domain names."
I know you don't want that convo to go down any more than I do. And it won't - not while I'm still alive and not while you've got needs.
Speaking of needs, I'm pretty sure you NEED another ten domains.
Imagine - you could be a cybersquatter overnight! Sorry - they're "domainers" these days...and also pretty touchy about what you call them. You could be a "domainer", sitting on a gold mine, waiting for your ship to come in. Can't win that game if you don't play, ya know?
Phone support. Pretty sure you need that, too! I mean come on, everybody likes to talk! We're doin' it right now, you and me, right here in this alley! How awesome is this right now? Upgrade to phone support with just a few clicks in your panel and this feeling could last forever. Kind of a no-brainer.
When I saw you walk into the dealership I could tell - I mean I just KNEW that you were classy business. So I'm kind of wondering why you're still on shared hosting. Shared is a great service - don't get me wrong! But there's a reason we call VPS and Dedicated hosting "upgrades". They appeal to a certain kinda customer who's looking for a little more out of a hosting experience. Pretty sure you fit the bill on that one.
How're you fixed for file storage? DreamObjects is pretty great. Dunno if you've tried it yet, but it's cheap, it's reliable, and it stores your data in the cloud! Who doesn't like clouds? I'll tell ya' who - terrorists. You're not a terrorist, are you? Didn't think so.
What else, what else...
Oh, right! You got any friends who need hosting? We'll pay you to refer 'em! Our affiliate program is the real deal - totally legit. $97 straight up cash for every new customer you send to DreamHost - and we've got some pretty sweet bonuses lined up through the end of the year that'll kick in a little somethin' extra if you're even a LITTLE bit good at it!
Sooo - hey, where ya off to? Wait, man, hold up! Just wait a minute; let me think.
You need a watch? Here, I don't even need this watch. Ten bucks and it's yours! Ten bucks! FIVE! Just...I'll do it for five!
Hey! I'm talkin' here! Don't walk away man. That's not cool. Please come back.
Just come back.
I hate yogurt.
Simon Says... (Written by CEO Simon Anderson!)
I've been thinking a lot about freedom lately. What is it really? How do we live it, breathe it, feel about it?
We're big fans of freedom here at DreamHost. We think a freedom centered culture is the best way to build a team, service and community that is truly innovative and changing the world. When I say world, I mean both our own personal world, plus the world around us. Changing both for the better creates that great feeling we all pretty much strive for every day. Being happy and satisfied with our own life, as well as knowing we've helped others achieve their dreams.
We recently had Traci Fenton from WorldBlu in to talk with the DreamHost leadership team about how we can continuously improve our commitment to freedom centered leadership, and empower our team and community through freedom centered design and distributed decision making. We're already ranked in the Top 10 most democratic workplaces according to WorldBlu. But we wanted to double down on our commitment to the principles of organizational democracy including Transparency, Dialogue + Listening, Choice, Accountability and Decentralization.
Notice how Accountability is in there - yep, organizations that run by democratic principles can also practice high accountability! Practicing democratic principles is not all loosey goosey. At our democratic best, we are visionary, open, clear, thoughtful listeners, recognizing that choice empowers disciplined action and constant improvement. And it's fun!
Check out WorldBlu and have a think about you might be able to use democratic principles to better your life, business and the world.
(Now back to Brett!)
Discussion Forum Updates!
The DreamHost Discussion Forum! It's been around for a while, but it's never been given the love and affection that an Internet message board really needs to grow and flourish in today's fast-paced society.
That's our fault. We've mostly left it to you guys as a playground for customer-to-customer chat and assistance over the last few years.
While we're grateful for the handful of power users that have stepped up to be active on the discussion forum, we're bringing in the big guns.
Yep, that's right. Technical Support reps are now on the prowl, active and present on the DreamHost discussion forums!
Submitting a message to support through your web panel is still the fastest, most direct way to contact our support team, obviously!
Now between the panel, social media, and the discussion forums, there's almost nowhere left on the Internet for you to hide your DreamHost troubles from the people who can help! Namely, US!
We're also making a change to how we accept customer suggestions from here on out. The "Make a Suggestion" section of our web panel is gone! Or it will be soon.
Instead of accepting suggestions through the panel and assigning difficulty values and introducing a bunch of complicated math and voting and blah-dee-blah, we're ripping that whole business out.
The "Suggestions" section of our discussion forum is now the place to be! ...when you're feeling suggesty.
Most suggestions that we we receive are about Product, Process, or Policy. Whether we admit it to ourselves our not, we all have at least one really big P in us aching to get out.
Thankfully relief is here! We can all assemble in the discussion forums together to dip our huge Ps in a collective pool of combined knowledge!
Let's discuss and evaluate all of our great ideas in a public forum, rather than leaving things to "science" and the cold, hard reality of numbers-based decision making.
What Will You DreamUp?
MeetUps? Those things are so 2005! The future of meeting smart people in the "real" world lies in DreamUps!
DreamUps are SIMILAR to MeetUps, but they're only about, oh, a MILLION times better.
DreamUps are regional meetings of DreamHost users that take place across the world, organized by and for those very same users! In REAL LIFE!
DreamUps are starting here. Right now! With YOU!
We're looking for DreamUp organizers across the globe. It doesn't matter where you live, what language you speak, or what you're hosting with us now - we want to hear from you!
And you don't have to go it alone! No sir! And/or ma'am!
We've put together a little info packet that'll give you everything you need to get your DreamUps off the ground and make them successful.
We're committed to providing you with ongoing support (both moral AND financial!) to make your DreamUps the absolute best that they can be.
Who knows - DreamHost team members (we are many, and we are well distributed!) may even show up at your DreamUps to field questions or give talks from time to time.
For more information, or if you're ready to get started, contact us at email@example.com.
That email address is staffed by a person, not a robot, so please ask us any questions you'd like. We're here to help!
We can't wait to see what you'll DreamUp!
I can't believe I just said that! I am awful.
Limited-Time Affiliate Bonuses!
Like I said up above, our affiliate program is not too shabby.
Refer a single new customer to DreamHost and we'll pay you $97.
We'll also pay you $5 for each new customer that THEY send our way.
That's the deal! There's no hidden fees and no 'gotchas'. The math on this one is pretty easy. You scratch our back and we'll scratch yours with money. Don't worry, the cash is clean! We laundered it.
Now through the end of the year we've added some holiday bonuses to that ol' "$97/$5" plan.
I hope you're a good catcher, because if you can pitch DreamHost you're going to have to catch the $50 that we hurl at you after you refer your first three customers!
I personally don't know a whole lot about pitching and catching - let's be clear. My understanding is that some people pitch, some catch, and some can handle both equally well. Either way, there is a ball.
But the fun doesn't stop there, friends! For every SEVEN customers you refer reach month to DreamHost we'll throw $100 at you!
But you've got to act fast - these holiday bonuses are only available through December 31st, 2012!
If you've got any questions about our affiliate program in general or about this particular bit of bonus business, be sure to reach out to us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We're here to help!
DreamHost WTF: Subversion Repositories!
What's That Feature? It's Subversion Repositories!
Subversion is a pretty great tool that, in a nutshell, prevents multiple users on the same server from overwriting each other's changes in a non-reversible way.
"SVN" as it's known is a "version control system" that will track all changes that get made to files within your account, and allow you to "roll back" to a previous version of a file if you run into trouble down the road.
You may have noticed that "complicated" things like "Subversion" are much easier to "explain" when you use a lot of "quotation marks".
Imagine, if you will, you - sitting at your computer. You've just spent five intense hours writing your latest piece of Blossom fan fiction live on your server, only to see it vaporized in seconds by your well-meaning but clueless web designer who had been working with an older, pre-episode-23 version of the file and just saved over all of your business to update the copyright date in the footer. TRAGIC.
That exact same scenario has played itself out time and time again, and will continue to do so as long as the Internet exists.
If you'd checked your story into a Subversion repository, both you and your designer would each be working with your own private copies of the file. When each of you were done working you'd be given the option to merge your changes together, or simply view what changes you each had made.
It would have been glorious. WOULD have. Without SVN, Six and Joey may never find true love at the Star Trek convention. Don't let that happen.
You can create and manage your SVN repositories from your panel:
And, if you're looking for a little bit o' SVN documentation specific to DreamHost, our Wiki's got you covered:
The DreamHost Site Of The Month is a coveted title reserved for a select few DreamHost customers who bend machines to their will in a manner that pleases other humans.
As voted by you, the winners from OCTOBER are as follows...
Remember, you can always click through to the DreamHost Site Of The Month section of your account control panel at any time to submit your site, vote on candidates, and view all winners past and present. (Winners appear in bold.)
Nice work, everyone!
See ya next month!
See ya next month!
P.S. - Look, I get it. You're happy with your life, you don't need more hosting right now, and you're sick of dudes in alleys trying to service your needs. Just unsubscribe from this newsletter now to avoid any more awkward conversations: