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Web Hosting Haiku


The ol’ five-seven-five.
I bet people in Georgia make haikus all the time.

It stimulates the mind and soothes the soul.

Here’s some stuff we’ve come up with around the office today.

Cherry blossoms come from Japan too

Where did my site go?
Pictures of Grandma, bye bye
Should have paid the bill
-Nick L

Dreaded five-oh-three
Posted on Digg, now it’s gone
Time to upgrade, friend
-Nick L

Your app is so slow
Every other page times out
Welcome, shared hosting
-Nick L

Can not log in now
Several times, my site down
What the f#ck, DreamHost?
-Jeff H

I host my site here
but, where oh where has it gone?
I’m losing thousands
-Steve D

Reading haiku is like floating on a cloud.

Your site is offline
how the hell did that happen?
Oh yeah, server died
-Steve D

500 error!
What has happened to my site?
is anyone there?
-Steve D

My site makes thousands
I pay you very little
You guys are suckers
-Steve D

Working hard to fix
this person’s critical site
Twelve gigs — goatse art
-Charlie T

Thanks for the soft porn
sent to the ‘all’ mailing list
Nick you are so fired.
-Brett D

My wife is scared of butterflies

Hey have you seen Ralph?
No, he’s been gone a long time.
He must be pooping.
-Brett D

Hey guys let’s go eat!
Guys? Hello? Anyone there?
They left without me. 🙁
-Brett D

What do you mean by
“Bittorrent is not allowed?”
I only trade warez
-Jason C

Why am I getting
a panel fatal error?
perl -c ran fine!
-Pete V

Comment Post Spammers
Scum bags of the interwebs
Please die in a fire!
-Justin K


Charlie sends me links
Don’t open them while eating
Double-U Tee Eff
-Justin K

Be sure to index
Your large database queries
Team DB find you!
-Justin K

HELP! My blog is down!
Now how will my readers know
when my cats make poop.
-Charlie T

I cannot log in
sixty times I try password
thought it might work durrr
-Nick L

We were such good friends
trading emails back and forth
Earthlink forsakes us
-Nick L

This is totally not my cat. My cats are way cuter.

Why is server slow?
Great. Now my twenty proxy
sites don’t work nicely
-Terri I

What is this “TOS,” Jeff?
MySpace phishing isn’t wrong!
Reenable me!
-Jeff C

Error: IMAP dropped
OMG people are dead
Everything’s fine now
-Craig Y

Gentle breeze, flames, smoke
my WordPress has exploded
I hate comments spam
-Craig Y

.htaccess file
they play evil trick on me
dots, invisible
-Craig Y

I referred myself
Please move over my domains
I’ll pay less money
-Dastyni L

Good vibes. Serenity.

I paid through Google
You still have credit card charge
give me my refund
-Dastyni L

I know my eBay
I know you are try to scam
Now you no scam me
-Dastyni L

Sorry English bad
I try use the translator
Fix my hotel now
-Dastyni L

Queue is not empty
Did you hit your quota yet?
Ralph will be so pissed.
-Micah S

Brett say, “Make haiku”
horrible pain, torture, death
“Make haiku”, Brett say
-Craig Y

Heigh-ho Silver.

Think you can do better? So do we! Prove it in the comments!

About the author

Brett D.

Brett's the VP of Corporate Communications at DreamHost and definitely not a robot.

He tweets as @DreamHostBrett and it's not great.