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I Want Some of That Action

No, it's not the size of our support queue.

I’m sure everybody heard a while ago about that hot Goo-Tube action that got everybody all excited.

Google bought YouTube back on October 19th (I think it was) for 1.65BBBBBBBBBBBBillion in stock. Immediately after the announcement, Google’s stock went from $420.23 to $458.99… implying the total value of Google went from about $128BBBBBBBBBBBBillion to $140BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBillion!

So, essentially Google said to YouTube, “Yo, Tubey, let’s hit it,” and the world decided they were BOTH worth more money for it. Heck, even the RUMORS Google was going to get with YouTube put their stock up more than $1.65BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBillion worth of market cap. Sigh.

Since then, Google’s gone to $487.25, putting their market cap at $149BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBillion and the value of the YouTube portion of Google at $1.9BBBBBBBBBilllion. And for what? YouTube is basically a pared-down free web host that can only show video. P-SHAW!

WE are a FULL-Featured PAY web host, that can show video, images, audio, flash, send email, instant messages, store databases, run applications, store files forever, and even update a blog about as often as we send a newsletter!

Of course, YouTube has about a thousand times the “customers” we have.

Of course, I’d say each one of you PAYING guys has gotta be worth at least 100 times some anonymous YouTuber, right? So, we’ve gotta be worth at least $190 Million in Google stock, right? Maybe not.. I was never a very good business man.

In fact, I bet just by posting this, I could start some rumors a la “Google in talks to buy DreamHost for $190,000,000.” Then, if based on those rumors Google stock went up just sixty-six cents, my rumors alone would have more than paid for itself. In a way, Google would be obligated to buy us! And when they did, I bet their stock would go up at least another 33 cents, meaning they just made a 50% profit! They’d be a bunch of Yahoo!s not to snatch us up!

Now remember, I’m not saying Google’s in talks to buy us. Far from it. I don’t even know anybody at Google. I don’t even know anybody who knows anybody at Google. I don’t even know anybody who uses Google. I don’t even know what this “Google” is.

And we’re perfectly content with what we are now, nice and independent and small(ish).

But, if sometime later today Google’s stock were to, say, hit $487.91 a share, I’ll be expecting a call.

Oh, we'll talk alright.

P.S. Just in case that call comes, we’re all set with some awesome new Google-esque features!

#1: I just filmed this UNBELIEVABLE video of a crazy raccoon out in front of my place last night! I want to share it with you all, but I don’t trust no YouTube with my ultra high-quality HD videos! That’s why I’m using the all new flash media tools we just released!

Wasn’t that great? Way better than 98% of the stuff on YouTube!

#2: When the inevitable merger takes place, how are we going to make all our customers suffer? Oops, I mean pay? Google Checkout of course! Good thing we already accept Google Checkout now as yet another way to give us your money!

Check THESE out!

Test it out today.. go buy some more hosting!

#3: We started trying out Google Adsense on DreamBook (you know, our free Guestbook server, circa 1996), and it is reallllllly raking in the bucks! When the day comes that we are Dreamgle, Google will be able to keep the ENTIRE hundred bucks a day in ad revenues for themselves, instead of splitting it with us!

Does this look too 1996 to you?

#4 Finally, don’t forget everybody using Google Talk can already talk with everybody using Jabber on DreamHost. Such forward-looking management we have!

About the author

Josh Jones