How to be a Famous Blogger

The Man, The Legend, The Doof

As I see it, there are THREE ways to become a world internet-famous blogger.

1. Already be famous, and start blogging.

Please Hammer, don’t blog it!

(Tip… a good way to be famous is to be an entertainer, pro athlete, politician, serial murderer, or very rich.)

2. Read other famous blogs and respond to each and every one of their posts with insightful, witty, and above-all-else flattering commentary. Eventually one of them will link back to you, and you’re on your way! It’s all very incestuous.

Joi to the world, he’s not from heroes, let earth re-read his blog!

(Tip… if you can’t think of anything witty to respond with yourself, just read the comments to their post! Then, make your post a simple re-phrasing of the best ones!)

3. Make lots of wild, zany, crazy, insane, wacky, looney, and controversial predictions on your blog… eventually you’ve got to get one right, and you’ll be instantly rocketed into the blogosphere stratosphere!

Resistance is futile!

(Tip… the easiest controversy is to just say the opposite of what makes sense.)

There. Now, let me get to the task of becoming a famous blogger myself!

First off, there’s nobody taller, younger, richer, smarter, AND funnier than me in the world, so in a way, you could say I’m already famous. Check off #1.

The Dread Pirate Arrrrrrrrrrrrrington!

Now, let me just say, Michael Arrington, I believe we can probably expect to see this type of thing increasing in the future, “stockhacking”. Also, I’ve always thought you had nice, strong thighs.

Mark Cuban is round.

Secondly, Mark Cuban, I must say you’ve overlooked one thing – human instinct. I do still admire your great wealth.

Even women blog, I hear.

And finally, I want to comment to Arianna Huffington that you couldn’t be more right about withdrawl (sic), … we never should have went in. In fact, I think you’re always right because you’re very, very, smart.

Blammo, so long #2.

Bob Scob!

Let me end this post with something all of you should have seen coming for a long time..

Google will announce their acquisition of Commission Junction on a Tuesday in July. Check back next week sometime for irrefutable proof of this barely unsubstantiated rumor-fact!

Thank you, #3.

Now I

P.S. it also never hurts to manipulate digg!