Sales Are Slow

I don't get it.

I’m Frustrated.

You know why? I’ll tell you why. It’s because sales are slow.

And I don’t know why.

Now, you may think it has something to do with this, this or maybe this.

But I don’t really think that has anything to do with it.

Because I’m not talking about DreamHost’s sales at all!

Nope, I’m talking about the fact that ALL SALESMEN I EVER DEAL WITH ARE SLOW!

GOTCHA!

Faster than a Speeding Salesman.

You may remember when I asked for recommendations on storage.

Well, I wasn’t kidding.. we need that storage! FAST!

But apparently, these storage vendors thought I was kidding. Because this has been how every single discussion has gone:

Hi DreamHost! We are X and we heard you were interested in spending like a GAZILLION bucks on storage?

Yep, that’s us! Yep, we do! What do you cost and how do we sign up to try it out?

No problem! I’ll get you a quote right away, but first, when can we come out and talk with you in person about our product?

Well, really, the only way we’re going to really trust your stuff is if we can test it ourselves.. but okay, we’ll meet with you..

That's me on the left.

Nice to meet you, blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah, blah…

Okay, that’s great, so.. how much?

Well, I’ll have to get a quote together.

You didn’t bring one?

No. I’ll have to get one together, I’ll email it to you tomorrow!

Sigh, okay..

Multi-pass!

So, what did you think of our quote?

Uh.. I never heard anything from you since the meeting… TWO WEEKS AGO.

Oh, whoops, silly me! I forgot to get one together or send it to you!

Ah. Well. Do you have a price?

When would be a good time for me to come back out with some more tech guys for a meeting? I’ll be in town tomorrow around 2..

Huh? We already MET! Didn’t we? For the love of mom, HOW MUCH FOR THE DISKS?!?

And they invariably turn out to be no cheaper than what we’re already paying, even after we told them in the first meeting how much we’re paying and how much they need to be for us to even get a test unit!

So yeah. It’s a teensy bit INFURIATING.

Literally, every time I talk with a sales guy they always end the conversation with “I’ll get that info for you by this afternoon/tomorrow!”

And invariably come this afternoon/tomorrow when I don’t hear from them and decide to give them a call back because I really do want to BUY LOTS SOON it’s “Oh, um, actually, let me call you back tomorrow/early next week.”

VOICE MALE!

Or, more often… voicemail.

I just don’t get it.

I mean, I know sometimes our support takes a little while to get back to people. Sometimes over the 24 hours we strive for. Sometimes even over a few days when it’s something especially tricky.

But my requests are not tricky at all. In fact, it’s usually stuff that seems like it might be okay to just, say, put on their web site?

And it’s even more annoying because THEY CONTACTED ME FIRST!

But still, I don’t know, I’ve never really been a sales dude. Maybe I should cut them some more slack.

Maybe they’ve got a lot more on their plate then it seems.

I’m sure it’s a ton of scheduling, a ton of quoting, a ton of traveling, and a ton of contacts to keep straight.

I’m sure it’s physically and emotionally the pits.

And not very rewarding.

That's at LEAST fifty bucks!

Unless you count COMISSIONS!

So please, sales guys.. do your job!

Sell to me!

Dote on me!

Make me feel loved.

Try and be at least as responsive for a million dollar storage sale as my freaking cable company is when I call to add ESPN HD for $5/month.

Or I’m just going to have to sign up for ESPN HD 20,000 times instead.

(For ten months.)